Dreams are crazy!

So last night I went to bed and didn't fall asleep until about 1:30. During the night I had several really strange dreams and they haunt me....I am not sure how to handle them. So anyway, one of the dreams was actually really nice. I dreamed that Bob Harper (you know the trainer from Biggest Loser) called me and asked me how my weight loss journey was going. I don't remember what I told him, but he asked me if he could come and visit me and help me figure out what I needed to do to keep going on my weight loss. I remember being completely baffled because he called, I remember telling a friend that he was on the phone and being totally excited. I guess maybe, just maybe it is time for me to get serious. Who knew that a dream from Bob Harper could really make me think!

Think he would actually call me?? Yeah...that would be the day!

Anyway, despite the lack of reality in this, I hope that I can someday accomplish my weight loss goals and be able to tell Bob that it was because of my dream that I was finally able to believe in myself.

So where has the time gone?

Yeah so it has been a while. I am doing pretty good. I have finally figured out why it has been so hard for me to lose weight.

A couple of weeks ago, I started getting really light headed and losing balance and just feeling like passing out. I finally felt crappy enough to make it worth it for me to go to the doctor. He immediately thought my heart was having problems with the symptoms I was having. I had to have an EKG and several blood tests.

The results came back and my EKG was normal, my blood pressure was normal, the only thing that came back wrong was my thyroid.

Not surprised. It has stopped working before, but for some reason it started working again and I was doing good. Now it isn't working again...I hope that being on this new medication they have me on is going to help. I know I am not gaining a lot of weight anymore. I am trying to do my best. hopefully I can shake some of it off and get healthy!

Thanks for still reading! that is if you still are ;)

It's been a while

Followers and whoever else reads this here blog,

How are all of you?? ME?? Well life has been super duper busy and I have not really been thinking about trying to lose weight. In fact I have gained once again. I have felt like it isn't worth the frustration to keep trying, however I know that if I do not get in gear and try and lose weight that I could have some very big medical problems. I want to be around for my family and see my kids grow up.

I think this is one of the many reasons that I am having such a hard time with turning thirty years old this year. I really want to do well and yet I feel that these last 10 years have really aged me. 30! I mean seriously! I am not ready for this. I am not ready to admit defeat, and to find myself trying to lose weight for so long. I want to do it. I do.

I got myself here, it is just trying to find the strength and faith to actually succeed. I never really had to try much growing up, so when a medical issue found me gaining a LOT of weight, I didn't really know how to handle it. So I ate. I ate and made it worse. I am an emotional eater. I can't help myself. I don't know how to use food to stay alive instead of using it to drown my sadness and frustrations.

So that felt good. I finally was able to tell the world that I have a problem...the first step is admitting right?? I really hope so!

Wish me luck!

Gym, My love!

Okay, so it is official, I LOVE GYM! Thats right. I am having an affair with none other than the gym. It is so much work but I love how I feel after going to the gym. This last couple of weeks I have actually been going regularly. It has been nice to feel the pain and the energy. However the energy is really starting to bother me, it shows up at 10 or 11 at night! So I need to figure out how to make it show up sooner so I can sleep at night. Anyway BLUE arrow day for me today. :)

Gym Time

My friend texted me and asked if we were going to go to the gym tonight. I didn't really want to go, BUT I knew I had to. So I of course said, YEAH! So we went to the gym. It wasn't the best work out, but it was at least a workout. tomorrow is another day and the blue arrow is slowly sneaking its way back into my posts. :)

Sleepless nights and Temptations!

Sleeping is essential, I get it. I understand how essential it is but lately I haven't been getting much sleep. I can lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling for HOURS.....it gets kinda boring and so lately I have been getting up and doing more productive things....cleaning the living room, making crafts, sewing, etc. etc. Things I don't make time for during the day. At least those are getting done, but my sleep is lagging. I have probably had about 4 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. It is really unnerving but I have tried all the things I can think of....I have even tried my Stress management tapes, which usually put me right to sleep! Needless to say it is annoying......for example when you are tempted with such yummy goodness as dark chocolate strawberry goodness from Ghiradelli chocolates. It is hard to avoid temptation when you are tired. It is also hard to want to get up and eat. So not only am I dealing with lack of sleep but it makes it hard to get up and want to eat something healthy and make good choices.

Anyway today is another Red arrow day (although I am really too lazy to upload the picture)

today is a Red arrow day :(

Although I had a really good day with my family (spending time with my grandparents for their 50th wedding anniversary), I had a very bad eating day. I ate too much and then I figured since I was already over doing it, why not continue. So I continued.....today I very much have the pain of regret. Sorry to disappoint. I hope I won't stay in this slump long. If you see me, keep encouraging me, I could use the support right now. :) Thanks!