Dreams are crazy!

So last night I went to bed and didn't fall asleep until about 1:30. During the night I had several really strange dreams and they haunt me....I am not sure how to handle them. So anyway, one of the dreams was actually really nice. I dreamed that Bob Harper (you know the trainer from Biggest Loser) called me and asked me how my weight loss journey was going. I don't remember what I told him, but he asked me if he could come and visit me and help me figure out what I needed to do to keep going on my weight loss. I remember being completely baffled because he called, I remember telling a friend that he was on the phone and being totally excited. I guess maybe, just maybe it is time for me to get serious. Who knew that a dream from Bob Harper could really make me think!

Think he would actually call me?? Yeah...that would be the day!

Anyway, despite the lack of reality in this, I hope that I can someday accomplish my weight loss goals and be able to tell Bob that it was because of my dream that I was finally able to believe in myself.

So where has the time gone?

Yeah so it has been a while. I am doing pretty good. I have finally figured out why it has been so hard for me to lose weight.

A couple of weeks ago, I started getting really light headed and losing balance and just feeling like passing out. I finally felt crappy enough to make it worth it for me to go to the doctor. He immediately thought my heart was having problems with the symptoms I was having. I had to have an EKG and several blood tests.

The results came back and my EKG was normal, my blood pressure was normal, the only thing that came back wrong was my thyroid.

Not surprised. It has stopped working before, but for some reason it started working again and I was doing good. Now it isn't working again...I hope that being on this new medication they have me on is going to help. I know I am not gaining a lot of weight anymore. I am trying to do my best. hopefully I can shake some of it off and get healthy!

Thanks for still reading! that is if you still are ;)

It's been a while

Followers and whoever else reads this here blog,

How are all of you?? ME?? Well life has been super duper busy and I have not really been thinking about trying to lose weight. In fact I have gained once again. I have felt like it isn't worth the frustration to keep trying, however I know that if I do not get in gear and try and lose weight that I could have some very big medical problems. I want to be around for my family and see my kids grow up.

I think this is one of the many reasons that I am having such a hard time with turning thirty years old this year. I really want to do well and yet I feel that these last 10 years have really aged me. 30! I mean seriously! I am not ready for this. I am not ready to admit defeat, and to find myself trying to lose weight for so long. I want to do it. I do.

I got myself here, it is just trying to find the strength and faith to actually succeed. I never really had to try much growing up, so when a medical issue found me gaining a LOT of weight, I didn't really know how to handle it. So I ate. I ate and made it worse. I am an emotional eater. I can't help myself. I don't know how to use food to stay alive instead of using it to drown my sadness and frustrations.

So that felt good. I finally was able to tell the world that I have a problem...the first step is admitting right?? I really hope so!

Wish me luck!

Gym, My love!

Okay, so it is official, I LOVE GYM! Thats right. I am having an affair with none other than the gym. It is so much work but I love how I feel after going to the gym. This last couple of weeks I have actually been going regularly. It has been nice to feel the pain and the energy. However the energy is really starting to bother me, it shows up at 10 or 11 at night! So I need to figure out how to make it show up sooner so I can sleep at night. Anyway BLUE arrow day for me today. :)

Gym Time

My friend texted me and asked if we were going to go to the gym tonight. I didn't really want to go, BUT I knew I had to. So I of course said, YEAH! So we went to the gym. It wasn't the best work out, but it was at least a workout. tomorrow is another day and the blue arrow is slowly sneaking its way back into my posts. :)

Sleepless nights and Temptations!

Sleeping is essential, I get it. I understand how essential it is but lately I haven't been getting much sleep. I can lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling for HOURS.....it gets kinda boring and so lately I have been getting up and doing more productive things....cleaning the living room, making crafts, sewing, etc. etc. Things I don't make time for during the day. At least those are getting done, but my sleep is lagging. I have probably had about 4 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. It is really unnerving but I have tried all the things I can think of....I have even tried my Stress management tapes, which usually put me right to sleep! Needless to say it is annoying......for example when you are tempted with such yummy goodness as dark chocolate strawberry goodness from Ghiradelli chocolates. It is hard to avoid temptation when you are tired. It is also hard to want to get up and eat. So not only am I dealing with lack of sleep but it makes it hard to get up and want to eat something healthy and make good choices.

Anyway today is another Red arrow day (although I am really too lazy to upload the picture)

today is a Red arrow day :(

Although I had a really good day with my family (spending time with my grandparents for their 50th wedding anniversary), I had a very bad eating day. I ate too much and then I figured since I was already over doing it, why not continue. So I continued.....today I very much have the pain of regret. Sorry to disappoint. I hope I won't stay in this slump long. If you see me, keep encouraging me, I could use the support right now. :) Thanks!

The Blue Arrow

Let me introduce you to the BLUE arrow. HE is kind, considerate, and lets you know when I have done good! If you see a blue arrow, you know that I have succeeded in losing weight.

Thanksgiving day- 336 LBS
Christmas Day- 330 LBS
New Years- 328
Today- (and yes it has been that long since I weighed) 323!

SWEET! I am down 13 pounds since Thanksgiving.

So off I go to keep trying.

I gained myself a new workout buddy so hopefully you will hear of me going to the gym more often. I am excited!!!

Have a great day! As for me?? I am going to watch my daughter Speed skate!

FAIL!!!

Cake is Not for Breakfast....however when you sleep in and have to spend 3 hours at Church...ya do what you can! Ok...I probably should have grabbed something healthier, My logic wasn't working well this morning. I am not going to get down on myself though..I am going to pull myself up and say, HEY! CAKE ISN'T FOR BREAKFAST!!!! Tomorrow, I think I will try an egg, or two ;)

One at a time

I have had a good conversation with a friend today. I asked her why she felt that she couldn't lose weight. We had quite the conversation about it. Came up with the same answers everyone comes up with, Too lazy, My body is just used to being this way, I have convinced myself that I will never be able to do it, Etc. However from my experience, and from what I have learned in the last 2 years is there is SOMETHING deep down inside that keeps you from doing it, besides those easy A answers. I know what mine is. I have been dealing with it for years, I have been in counseling and I have had a lot of help to reach a point that I no longer am bound by what happened in the past. I hope that she will be able to find hers. Anyway the first step is finding that road block. Kicking it aside and taking a step. So I hope she will find hers soon.

Which brings me to another point......I have Hooked someone else in on my journey (Yes it happens to be the person mentioned above), That means there are 2 on the journey to a healthier me. Who else is gonna join in the movement?? Yep I am officially calling it a movement.

One at a time I hope to rope you all in. I love you all and want you to be happy and healthy....so here goes!

Have a great day!

LOVE the Gym!

I LOVE my gym! There are so many supportive people there. It is because of them that I even exercise at all. I have been member there for almost 2 years now. I can't believe how many relationships I have gained there. It is an amazing feeling to have support behind you when you need it.

Today I went and I was pumped and ready to go. I love to work out. It is an enjoyable thing for me.....I just don't always have the time to go. But this year I am MAKING time to go so that I can do this.

I have maybe one of the MOST amazing people as my trainer. Her name is Lael. She is absolutely awesome. She is always positive and willing to work with you. She has been a great help in my journey so far. Yes I have been going to a trainer for the last year and I have not lost the weight because as I said in my last post, I BELIEVED that I would be this weight forever. It is a mind set that I am willing to lose and gain a more positive and happy mindset that PAIN is good (well not all pain but this pain is) and that I CAN do it. Not only that but she has helped me to let go of a lot of things that I was holding on to, things that were preventing me from WANTING to lose the weight. She seriously is most amazing!

She has done something amazing for me and she has convinced me that my mind is wrong and that with the right mind set combined with nutrition and exercise, I can do this. So thank you to my wonderful trainer.

Thank you also to all you who have already visited my blog and are here to support me. I really appreciate you. I can do this!

Have a most Fabulous day!

Welcome!

Welcome to my new blog. A Journey to a Healthier me.

As of today I am 326 pounds. Down TEN pounds since Thanksgiving. I know I can do better than that...and so I am going to bite the bullet and just do it.

I am going to have to change my thought process...I have been under the hypnotic conclusion that it doesn't matter anymore and that I am going to be this weight for the rest of my life.

WRONG!!!!!

I CAN lose this weight and I CAN be healthy and I CAN do this!!!!!

So I ask you to join me in what could be the most amazing transformation in my life.

Thank you for coming along on the Journey.

Cynthia